I Caved

I did a field trip.

Because we were climbing the fucking walls.

So we went to The Birthplace of Texas - Goliad, Texas.  Google it.  You really should make a trip out there.  It is very cool!  Alamo Schmalamo.  Goliad is Texas history at it's best.

As always, if there is a cannon, it WILL be climbed on

Texas Wildflowers are AMAZING!

Spring Broken

I'm having writers block again, so I am just going to tell you about my spring break so far.  I work at a college, which means that I get a week off for spring break! 

I LOVE having a week off for spring break! 

Today I slept until 9, ate a bagel in front of the TV, and played Angry Birds with the boys.
I'm wearing a really old sweatshirt, shorts and chanclas (flip flops).  I have no makeup on, my hair is in a chongo (ponytail) and my glasses are on.  I should go to Wal-Mart so someone can surreptitiously snap a photo of me on their phone and post it to facebook with the caption "Seriously?".

Spring break is great.

Of course the kids have spring break too.


Some moms take advantage of Spring Break to take their kiddos on exciting field trips to explore their environment. 

Not me!

I spend spring break catching up on facebook and doing laundry.  And watching TV.  We're watching a lot of cartoons. A LOT of cartoons. And Nick. And Cartoon Network. And Disney Channel.

In case you were wondering, the New Scooby Doo sucks as bad as you think it would.  But Good Luck Charlie and Shake It Up are really good.  Fairly Odd Parents is horrible, but Phineas & Ferb is awesome.  Johnny Test reeks, but Regular Show is fresh and funny.  Star Wars the Clone Wars is dreadful (even though Luke loves it), but Adventure Time is charming.

At this rate, by the time Spring Break is over, we will be a house full of neanderthals.

Then we'll go to Wal-Mart!

Not FAIR!

Why is it that you take a week off and everything goes right to hell?

I don't mean a week off from work.  I worked all week.  Mostly in San Antonio, sure, but I still managed to get most of my e-mails.

I didn't take a week off from school.  I wish.

I didn't take a week off from my kids.  I wouldn't want that. 

I had to take a week off from working out.

I HAD to.

I was in San Antonio Wednesday thru Friday, For WORK.

I know I should have Skyped.  Shaddap.

Then Saturday was Luke's birthday. 

Sunday I had to do something really important.  I forget what it was but I know it was important.

Monday Joe had an eye appointment, I had to meet with my professor, and I had LOADS of laundry to do.

Tuesday I had to give a presentation about Burroughs Wellcome's pricing of Retrovir in the 1990s. 

That pretty much sucked the life right out of me.

So today -- Wednesday -- I went back to the gym.

I actually tried to get out of it.  Clarissa is out of town, so I wasn't sure if Vic could take me. 

He's a busy man.

So I texted him:  "Can I come in today or would you rather me come tomorrow?"

He texted back:  "Get your ass in here."

Guess he's not too busy for me, bless him.

In typical Vic fashion, he made me do owie this and hurty that until I was sweaty and red and panting. 

I had to do explosive push ups.  Lots of them. 

Explosive push ups are when you push your whole body off the floor from a push up position.  Then you have to catch your body when you land.  My whole body weighs in the neighborhood of 244 -248 lbs.  (Shaddap).  That's a lot of exploding.

I had to do jumping jacks.

Only my knees are old lady knees, so I have to do low impact jumping jacks. 

Low impact does not mean low intensity.

Bastard.

Anyway. . .here's the problem:  The jumping jacks are in front of a mirror.  Sometimes the mirror is my friend.  It shows me how strong I've become. 

Know what the mirror shows when you take a week off?

Jiggles.

Jiggly arms. Jiggly belly. Jiggly thighs. The fat pockets under my knees were jiggling.

WTF?

Haven't I been mostly faithfully working out 4-6 times a week for a YEAR?

One piddly week off and my friggin knees jiggle?

Fuck.

Vic just texted me again:  "I expect you at 5:30 tomorrow.  No excuses".

NO FAIR

Today

This kid is 7.

Happy Birthday Lukie Kabuki!

I love you boyo!

I told you so!

TOTALLY NAILED IT!

A Comment on Comments

Dear commenter who wrote:

Mary....this is the first time that I've read your blog & I'm afraid that I was a little offended. You speak about teaching your children about the "true" meaning of Valentine's Day....but then in the same blog use the "F" word. I'm afraid that I just don't get it. I would think that this would be considered in bad taste....especially since you are a business proffessional& refer people to your blog to get to know you better! I've heard good things about you & have looked forward to hearing you speak....but now I've found myself to be extremely disappointed!

You bring up some valid points.

Truly.

Yet you don't sign your name.

I am pretty sure I have an idea of who you are.  I'm speaking to a group next week, and I suspect I will see you there. 

I promise I will NOT swear during the talk.

That said, this is not my business blog. 

I am a business professional (please note the spelling).  More importantly, I am a mom, a daughter, a wife and a sister.  I am a Catholic. 

And I say fuck all the time.

Is it inconsistent?

I suppose.

I'm not proud of it. 

I'm inconsistent in lots of things. 

I work out like a gladiator but can't bring myself to eat the way I'm supposed to.

I am passionately in love with my husband but get platonic crushes all the time.

I love a sparkling clean house, but can't find the time to clean the shower.

I'm not perfect. 

I'm not trying to be perfect.  I am trying to be excellent.

You may find it hard to believe that saying FUCK is ever a good tool to excellence.

But it is.  It's called comic timing.  "I need those fucking hearts" is funnier than "I need those hearts".  I tried it both ways.

So, you don't think it's funny.  Sorry. 

Wait.  No, I'm not.  You don't have to think it's funny. 

It's enough that I think it's funny. 

And I do.

Dear Moms At Daycare

Dear Moms at my son's daycare:

Hi!  I don't know if we've had a chance to meet, but I'm Paul's mom.  No, not his grandma.  I'm his mom.

I'm the mom without the tattoos. 

First let me say -- your kid is a cutie.  Paul really likes his friends.  He was so happy to make valentines for each and every one of them.  Also, he truly appreciated all the heart-shaped suckers, the dum-dums, and of course, the Hershey kisses.

The thing is. . . you forgot the conversation hearts.

I know you may be new at the whole Valentine's Day thing.  Paul is my third child, so we've done Valentine's for a long time.  I make sure to explain to my boys that Valentine's day is named for St. Valentine.  I explain that he was a martyr, who died for Christ.  We talk a lot about that as I go through the bags of Valentine's candy that they bring home from school.  Valentine's day is actually about Jesus, and not about romantic love or candy.

Their dad emphasizes the point by waiting until the last minute to buy me a valentine gift.  This year, it was a potted plant.  I am pretty sure it was the last one at the store.  So we talked about Christ's love, and how God loves every living thing, even really, really hideous potted plants that cost three times what they normally would have, on account of being purchased at the very last second.

It's a teachable moment.

Anyway, as I was setting aside the dum-dums and heart shaped suckers for the boys, and confiscating all the Hershey's kisses (they are a choking hazard), I noticed that you forgot the conversation hearts.

I am sure it was a mistake. 

As you know, conversation hearts are a once-in-a-year candy, like candy canes, candy corn and of course cadbury cream eggs.  It's important that they be included in every Valentine's celebration. 

Plus, they have words on them, which is another teachable moment.

When else is my child going to read the word "hubba-hubba"?

You may ask why I didn't supply the hearts this year.  That's a fair question, but remember that I am the mom who occasionally remembers to bring the napkins for the Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Years-Martin Luther King day parties. 

Normally, I would let it go, but I haven't had a can of pop in almost two weeks.  I almost took up smoking as a substitute, but the cost of cigarettes is crazy.  I need those fucking hearts.

So listen:  St. Patricks Day is in a month.  The kids are having a party.  Put together some goodie bags with green jolly ranchers, chocolate coins and  a king size box of sugar babies.  We'll call it even.

Love,

Paul's Mom